Kassandra met Lilah in San Diego, California in 2012 when she was just twelve years old, and instantly knew she was in love with her. She expressed to her mother that she was bisexual and did not approve. Her mother thought life would be hard for her, because she would be judged harshly.
Kassandra’s father was never in the picture, and her mother was in and out of jail, leaving Kassandra to learn to provide for herself. Prostitution was the only way she knew how to make money. Lilah pretended to love Kassandra, and being so young and naive, Kassandra started to get attached and believed her feelings were real. Not too long after they both made their relationship official, Lilah started setting Kassandra up for sex with different men in different hotels each day.
“The first week into dating, it seemed like a real relationship, but soon after, I realized Lilah just wanted me around so she could make money. Every time a guy gave me the money, Lilah would steal it,” Kassandra said.
Kassandra said Lilah forced her into it, because that was their source of income as a couple. She was psychologically stuck, she thought this was normal, and even believed Lilah still loved her.
Their relationship also became physically abusive. Lilah would hit and slap Kassandra in the face, but she still didn’t believe she was trying to hurt her. Finally, after a tip was sent out, the police conducted a sting operation and caught Lilah trafficking Kassandra. She was arrested and sentenced to two and a half years.
After Lilah was released, their relationship continued, but they struggled. There was a time during their marriage that they lived out of one car for several months. Kassandra realized she wanted a better life and a life without Lilah. She moved to Texas in 2020. When she arrived, she learned she was pregnant. Because she had multiple partners, the father is unknown.
When Kassandra’s baby was born, Lilah came over and demanded to see the baby. After holding the child for a brief minute, Lilah stole the baby by running to her car. Lilah endangered the 19-day-old child by putting him in the passenger’s seat and driving off, not returning him for an entire day.
“I was scared she will come after me again, and this time it will be worse,” Kassandra said. “I have thought about her coming to find me and my child and locking us up.”
Our Legal Assistance to Survivors of Sexual Assault project took Kassandra’s case. Attorney Brittany Hightower sought a protective order first, before finalizing the divorce, so that if Lilah tried to come in contact with her or her child ever again, she will be taken to jail.
“I know I am a victim, but now that I have a child, it’s not about me anymore. A protective order from that woman will keep my child safe from her. I would tell anybody who has a child involved not to stay with their abuser, because it will hurt more than help.”
Kassandra wishes she could go back and tell herself what she knows now. All she can do now is tell others who are being trafficked or in an abusive relationship to leave.
“Being in a violent relationship is not worth it. You may feel like the process of getting out of your situation may be stressful, but it is worth it in the end,” Kassandra said.
* Names were changed to protect the identity of the individual(s).
